Questions to Ask Family Members About a Loved One
A Practical List for Gathering Memories
Before you can write a memorial, obituary, or tribute, you need material to work with — and no one person remembers everything. These questions are meant to be taken into a phone call, a text conversation, or a quiet moment at a family gathering, to help gather the stories and details that make a memorial feel complete.
Questions by Category
Pick a category based on what you already know least about — you do not need to work through every question here.
Childhood & Early Life
Details you may not have witnessed firsthand.
What was their childhood home like?
What kind of kid were they — quiet, mischievous, curious?
Do you remember any stories their own parents told about them?
What did they want to be when they grew up?
What is a story from their childhood you have always remembered?
Career & Accomplishments
Their work and what it meant to them.
What did they do for work, and how did they feel about it?
What achievement were they most proud of?
Did they ever talk about a mentor or someone who shaped their path?
What did their coworkers or colleagues think of them?
Was there a project or moment at work they talked about often?
Personality & Everyday Life
The small details that made them recognizably them.
What made them laugh?
Did they have any sayings or phrases they repeated often?
What was a typical day like for them?
What habit or quirk of theirs do you think about now?
How did they show love, even in small ways?
Relationships
How they showed up for the people around them.
What kind of parent, partner, sibling, or friend were they?
What is a memory that captures your relationship with them?
How did they meet their spouse or closest friends?
Was there someone they were especially close to?
How did they handle hard times — did they lean on others, or comfort them instead?
Passions & Interests
What lit them up.
What did they do in their free time?
Was there a hobby or activity they never got tired of?
What places meant the most to them?
What music, books, or shows did they love?
Did they have a dream or plan they never got to finish?
Their Own Words
Anything in their own voice.
Do you have any texts, cards, or messages from them you would be willing to share?
Did they ever write anything — letters, journals, notes?
Is there something they always used to say?
Do you have any voicemails or recordings of them?
How to Ask
Make it an invitation, not a task
Frame the request gently — "whenever you feel up to it, I would love to hear a memory" — rather than as something they need to complete right away.
Let people answer in writing if that is easier
Some people find it easier to text or email a memory than to talk about it out loud, especially soon after a loss. Offer both options.
You don't need to ask everything at once
These questions can be spread across several conversations over weeks or months — a memorial can keep growing as more memories surface.
Different memories can coexist
If two people remember something differently, that is normal, not a problem to solve. Multiple perspectives make a memorial richer, even when they do not perfectly agree.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why should I interview family before writing a memorial?
No single person knows every part of someone's life. Other family members and friends often remember stories, details, or entire periods you were not present for, and a memorial built from several perspectives is usually richer than one written alone.
How do I ask someone grieving for memories without upsetting them?
Frame it as an invitation, not an obligation, and let them answer in writing if speaking feels too hard. Something like "whenever you feel up to it, I would love to hear a memory of them" respects their pace while leaving the door open.
What if family members remember things differently?
This is normal. Different relationships produce different memories, and small factual disagreements are usually less important than capturing the feeling each person had. You can include multiple perspectives rather than needing to settle on one version.
Ready to Start Gathering Memories?
Create a free memorial page where family and friends can each add their own memories directly — no need to collect everything yourself first.
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